Flur

I have one of those wonderfully awkward moments that only happens in an office when, in Paris, an assistant suggests that "there are some who don't like your long hair" ; "some" meaning the founder of the buyout firm I am with, of course. Being no dummy when money involved, I make an appointment with Sonnet's hair stylist 'Tim Williams Hair Design' in Barnes. Subsequently I find myself the sole male customer in an otherwise bustling salon. Tim, for his part, a wonderful character who conditions my hair then gives me tea and a few style magazines to read while he collaborates on a middle-age woman's hair colour: "Oh, honey, just go with what feels right" he coaxes.  Metro-sexual heaven, dude. Tim and I chat about this and that and the celebrities in the neighbourhood and house designs and so on and so forth. My glasses off and Tim notes (alarmingly ) "don't be alarmed, Dear, it is only a work of art."  

It is nearly December and autumnal as the wind blows the sidewalk's leaves , back lit by a low sky with hues mostly of grey and brown . I bicycle by the Thames with her tide 'out' and the riverbanks exposed and muddy. The Barnes Bridge delivers the underground which adds a splash of red and blue as the metro whizzes overhead.  It takes me back to my first winters in New York with the same urban bleakness : a friend I admire once told me that "a city becomes beautiful after 200 years" and, mostly, I agree with him.

'throw

Me, moments before strangling Eitan.

Madeleine and I walk Sonnet to the bus stop. At Cafe Nero: "It is so unfair that I can't have a treat."
Me: "Life is unfair. Let's do this. You ask me a question, anything at all, and I will see if I can answer it."
Madeleine: "Do we have to Dad?"
Me: "Give it a try."
Madeleine: "How did they know the world wasn't flat?"
Me: "That's excellent.  Let's see. People used to think the world flat and the sun and the moon circled around us. Kind of arrogant, don't you think?"
Madeleine:
Me: "When we are just one of a billion stars in the universe."
Madeleine: "That's pretty small, isn't it?"
Me: "We are smaller than a speck of dirt."
Madeleine: "Whoa."
Me: "Aristotle, anyways, over 2000 years ago, one of the first dudes to think the world is round.  To measure the curve, he knew that the sun directly overhead at the summer solstice, and so he was able to measure the angle of the shadow , which he did at Alexandria, which was about 1/50th of a circle, he estimated. Then he measured the distance Alexandria to Syene, another ancient city, and was able to use the two points, plus the angle, to determine the earth's circumference."
Madeleine: "Do you want to know three other ways?"
Me: "Of course."
Madeleine: "One. You can see the earth's shadow on the moon."
Me: "Excellent."
Madeleine: "Two. Ships disappear on the horizon and, if the world was flat, you would see them until they were a little dot."
Me: "Brilliant."
Madeleine: "And Christopher Columbus said so, too, when he sailed to America."
Me: "Good stuff, kiddo. Gold star."

Golden Balls

Elm Grove defeat Barnes Eagles for the second time in a month : this time, 2-1 , which sees a spirited opponent up for the match and playing good football. Eitan and Jack dominate the back-field and continue to be an effective defensive pair: Jack brings the powerful sweep while Eitan disrupts the forward attack with multiple cutting touches. Barnes a posh neighborhood ("cute", says Eitan) and , while their boys play hard, tackling, football, the sideline notably reserved. Compared to Elm Grove, that is. Ours, whose parents include a stewardess, cabbie, couple of brick layers and the like, vocal: "Get the ball in there, Lad! No, not like that! Talk to each other!!"

Me, I keep mostly quiet and let Eitan do his stuff. Everybody thinks I am a weirdo, anyway, since I go jogging then do yoga-stretches like the "half-moon" pose or the "triangle" which is particularly embarrassing to Eitan for some reason. Poor kid just wants to fit in.

"A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both."
--Eisenhower

"'Cause it's a bitter sweet sympthony, this life."

--The Verve

Tooting

We meet friends in south London for an Indian experience. Tooting an urban area, dense, without trees nor greenery and snarling traffic inching down the High Street.  The shops mostly down-scale with "All For A Pound", Halal butchers, Vetec Electronics and etc and so on. Our friends delayed by a motorcycle accident which the ambulance cannot reach because of the two-lane two-way.

This might be a cool place to live with the right attitude : ethnic and vibrant : I see joggers pass elderly women in hajib. There are plenty of restaurants while the Undergound zips young professionals straight to the City.

I chat with Ms. Munawar of "Punjab Sweets & Restaurant" who tells me she and her husband bake everything behind the counter.  She is proud of her family business and I can only imagine how she got here.  There are a number of other staff with the women dressed in Sari and heads wrapped, faces partially covered, while the men in trainers, sloppy and casually uncaring while they really do. None of them speak passing English. At the back of the restaurant a mobile phone shop being installed. Not an inch to waste.

Madeleine: "Have you ever held a chinchilla?"
Me:
Madeleine: "You aren't taking me seriously, are you Dad?"
Me: "It's just that nobody has ever asked me that before."
Madeleine: "They are the size of a football. And cuddly."
Me: "Good to know."
Madeleine: "So can we get one?"
Me: "Talk to your mother."
Sonnet: "Oh, no, don't you dare."
Madeleine: "If Dad says it's Ok, can we get one?"
Sonnet: "We are not getting a chinchilla."
Me: "Let's get a goat!""
Madeleine: "Yes! Really?"
Sonnet: "Your Dad is winding you up, Madeleine."
Madeleine: "So a chinchilla is Ok then?"
Sonnet: "We are not getting a chinchilla. We are not getting a goat."
Me: "I was on your side, too, kid. "
Madeleine: "It is so unfair."

Madeleine Breakfasts

Madeleine and I take Rusty to the dog-pond in Richmond Park where the pooch frolics with other dogs and generally wares himself out. I meet a heavy-set dude in a hunting jacket with a fancy camera and we talk about photography for a while then private equity as he is a lawyer at a known firm in the City. These walks with Madeleine allow our unpressured together. Sometimes, like this morning, the subject of sex comes up and she wants none of it from Dad. I tell her that I would rather the uncomfortable conversation now than her unprepared later.

Madeleine: "How many comics do you have?"
Me: "I don't know, maybe 500 or something. Why?"
Madeleine: "Do you like them?"
Me: "Yeah. When I was a kid I would  walk across campus to Comics And Comix on Telegraph and spend an hour leafing through the boxes, looking for that one missing copy of Spider Man or the Hulk from my collection. Then I would go to Blondie's for a slice and a coke."
Madeleine: "Are they worth any money?"
Me: "I suppose they're worth something. All for you one day, Kid."
Madeleine: "How much?"
Me: "I don't know. Maybe $1000. Could be more."
Madeleine: "Wo-o-oa. You are rich."
Me: "I don't think 1000 bucks makes you rich these days."
Madeleine: "It does if you are me. I have, like, £100."
Me: "That's not so bad."
Madeleine: "I'm totally broke."
Me: "You're a kid."
Madeleine: "You owe me my allowance."
Me: "Oh?"
Madeleine: "For three weeks."
Me: "Noted."

Going Stag

I had two bachelor parties : one in New York, when a bunch of MBAs took me to Peter Lugers in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, followed by a strip joint. From there things went downhill fast ending at Times Square at dawn with no money to get home.

My second stag (pictured, with Joe Montana) in San Francisco with a different group and notable for many reasons including the bowling ball Roger chained to my leg and I threatened to roll down Nob Hill, making Roger more than anxious. Just like college. Just like now. Sam also with us and the only one to, you know, actually talk to some pretty girls. Just like high school. Just like now.

As ever, the evening ended with "entertainment" and ours at the Mitchell Brothers O'Farrell Theatre in the Tenderloin district. Wiki states "O'Farrell the oldest and most notorious adult-entertainment establishment in the country" and Hunter S. Thompson adds: it is "the Carnegie Hall of public sex in America". Famous alum include John Holmes (porn star), Marlyn Chambers (porn star), Megan Leigh (porn star), Fallon (porn star), Annette Haven (porn star), Nina Hartley (porn star) and Erica Boyer (porn star). And so on and so forth.

Yes, I have been to worse. Like my friend S who had candle-wax melted on his scrotum by a prostitute.  Or the "performer" who was lactating. Why do otherwise sensible young men do this sort of thing, which,  inevitably,  leads to self-loathing or worse given the Internets? Sure, alcohol fuels the frenzy. Male bonding another. But mostly it is one last chance, perhaps missed or never in college, to play the ass. And really go for it.

The Brits do it better than most, too, given their propensity to drink like fish. They are also a bit smarter about it - for instance, they leave the UK . Why take the chance of being spotted comatose at some brothel in Shepherd Market? Prague has become the #1 stag location in Europe followed by Riga then Budapest, according to stagforyou.com, which is happy to set up everything for the lads.  Hen parties have , more recently, become equally popular.  

Me, I haven't been to a bachelor party since '96 and it is not something that I miss. Entirely.

Congo

I walk out of Uniqlo on Regent Street to find an assemblage of officers chaperoning a peaceful protest demanding free elections in the Democratic Republic of Congo, pictured. There are probably a thousand people and the vibe cheerful which is entirely the opposite of everything I know about the Central African country whose Second Congo War, beginning in 1998, devastated the country, involved seven foreign armies and is sometimes referred to as the "African World War". Despite the 2003 peace accords, fighting continues in the east of the country. In eastern Congo, the prevalence of rape and other sexual violence is described as the worst in the world by the Washington Post. The war is the world's deadliest conflict since World War II, killing 5.4 million people since 1998. The vast majority died from malaria, diarrhea, pneumonia and malnutrition.

Comics & Comix

To the kids great pleasure (and my secret enjoyment), Stan sends the Sunday funnies from the Montrose Daily Press.  They are all there, too : Doonesbury (my all-time favorite), Garfield (what is that rascal up to this week?), Blondie (I always think of Roger), The Peanuts (my first comic), For Better Or For Worse (I've followed the family story-line since 9th grade) and so on and so forth.  There is sometimes need to police the grabbing but, for the most part, the Shakespeares well behaved when it comes to the breakfast table sharing.

Eitan uses his mobile phone to inform me he will be late coming home as he watches a school football match. Yep, we enter the Next Stage. Slowly, but surely, she comes.

Ball Gowns

Sonnet's Ball Gowns green-lighted for May 19, 2012, at the V and A and will be the first exhibition in the refurbished fashion gallery (image from the museum).

The expo to host 60 ball gowns from 1950 by designers like Vivienne Westwood, John Galliano and Alexander McQueen (his S/S 2011, pictured). A special shout goes to Gareth Pugh's metallic leather dress designed for the exhibition. Will he wear it, I wonder?

And, since this is England, Sonnet includes some Royalty like the Norman Hartnell designed for Elizabeth the Queen Mother, Princess Diana’s ‘Elvis Dress’ by Catherine Walker. Our informal Brit royalty on display, too: Daphne Guinness, Elizabeth Hurley and Bianca Jagger, Hardy Amies, Ossie Clark, Bill Gibb, Belleville Sassoon, Murray Arbeid, Bruce Oldfield and Julien MacDonald. The show's aim, as everything at the museum leading up to the London Olympics, to showcase British talent.

"Clothes and jewellery should be startling, individual. When you see a woman in my clothes, you want to know more about them. To me, that is what distinguishes good designers from bad designers."
--Alexander McQueen

McD's Distribution

On Thanksgiving, when America pigs out, it somehow seems meaningful to see how often where : pictured, the US visualised by distance to the nearest McDonald's. The clown is in your house.

Created by Stephen Von Worley

Smooth Criminal

Madeleine bakes ginger bread cookies which, she notes, "Is the hardest cookie I have ever made. And I have made loads of cookies."

Me: "What are you doing?"
Eitan: "Don't have a cow Dad. I'm only playing."
Me: "With red play dough? In the living room?"
Eitan: "It's not like any of it has fallen on the carpet."
Me: "Let me paint you a scenario. Me:  'How did this play dough get into the carpet? It's ruined. Eitan! No football for the rest of the season!' You: 'waa waa waaa . . ..'  I just saved you a lot of hardship, mister. "
Eitan: "I don't cry like that. That is how Madeleine cries."
Madeleine: "Huh?"
Me: "Eitan, were I you, I would quit while I was ahead."

Mad Hatter

Cool!

Madeleine and I have a movie-date and she chooses "Alice And Wonderland" from our local Blockbuster which is going out of business fast.  Johnny Depp is fun for about 30-minutes then I lose interest in the film and surf the net and blog. Pizza arrives and we have a perfect evening together.

Sonnet Home

Sonnet back to us and we pick her up @ T5 following 7AM swim practice (groan, Madeleine to tears)

Madeleine: "Dad will you stop singing please."
Eitan: "I've never been so cold in my life."
Me: "Don't worry, the car is warming up. Don't you like my singing?"
Madeleine: "Not really."
Me: "I remember driving to swim practice and Moe was always the happiest one in the car. Go figure."
Madeleine: "He probably wasn't jumping into the freezing cold water."
Me: "Our pools outdoors. Plus we had to walk from the car to the pool in the freezing cold rain in the dark."
Madeleine: "What would you do if the pool froze over?"
Me: "I don't think it ever happened."
Madeleine: "Well, what would you do?"
Me: "Go ice skating. In my pants."
Eitan: "Dad!"
Madeleine: "At least you wouldn't have to get in the water, then."

Me, listening to the radio: "Do you guys like Elton John?" ['Call it the Blues' plays]
Eitan: "Yeah, I guess so. I used to get him mixed up with Nelson Mandela."
Me: "Oh?"
Eitan: "Their names are kinda the same, like, with the 'l.'"
Me: "Makes sense."
Eitan: "Plus I thought Nelson Mandela was a singer."

Performance

Madeleine performs "stuff", she tells me now, which includes a few group songs, a bit of acting and some dance.  We parents enjoy the spectacle, even if I cannot follow the most of it.  The conclusion : a rousing "Mama Mia" followed by a singalong of "Just A Small Town Girl" by Glee and before that Journey.

Me: "This dog is driving me crazy. What are we going to do with him?"
Madeleine: "Do you want to give him back?"
Me: "Of course not. Would I ever give you back?"
Madeleine: "You can't 'cuz I'm your kid."
Me: "Oh, really? I was thinking maybe we would give you to Auntie Katie or Dana. Or maybe Gracie and Moe?"
Madeline: "You're not really being serious, are you Dad?"
Me: "Hmmm it's tempting. I'll have to check with your mother first."
Madeleine: "Dad!"
Me: "I could never give you up never you worry."

Thameside

I am in Paris for the night and stay at my usual.  Yes, the Super Investor conference going on with the Good and the Great in the 75008 but I am here to see Astorg and have a few meetings on the side.  What is clear : pessimism in the air : private equity investors look at Europe and think : WTF? The bad times will be good for some and brutal others . Astorg, for her part, viewed as the #1 buyout firm in France and last week ranked 6th globally of all pe firms by HEC-Dow Jones for the vintages covering 1998 to 2007 by performance.

Astorg are dudes who know how to make money and not everybody, most in fact, does. As the founding partner once told me, in broken English: "Astorg a system that allows ze best ideas to reach the top for a decision by ze Investment Committee."

Eitan at the Attack Rugby Festival representing his local primary. He reports that "we won three, lost three, and drew one. We were one point away from reaching the semi-finals. We could have done better."


Madeleine: "Dad, what do you think would happen if we strapped one of your rockets to Rusty with duck tape?"
Me: "Um, I've not thought of that before."
Madeleine: "I bet it would take a lot of his fur off."
Me: "Yes, it probably would."
Pause
Me:  "Don't get any ideas kid."

Me: "Hey, Madeleine, stop doing the dishes and come over here and listen to one of my favorite songs : "Just Like Heaven", by The Cure."
Madeleine: "Okay. . ."
Me: "I used to listen to this in college, you know, on a Friday night by myself thinking about some girl . .."
Madeleine: "Hold Rusty. I want to do 'the worm.'"
Madeleine does 'the worm' on the kitchen floor.

"You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream "
-"Just Like Heaven" by The Cure

Burlington Arcade

I occasionally walk the Burlington Arcade behind Bond Street connecting Piccadilly to Burlington Gardens. There are Rolex watches and cashmere sweaters and similar such stuff mostly for the Chinese and other tourists who can afford it.

The arcade built in 1819 by Lord George Cavendish, younger brother of then 5th Duke of Devonshire, who inherited the adjacent Burlington House, on what had been the side garden; the arcade built, reputedly, to prevent passers-by throwing oyster shells and other rubbish over the wall of his home.

In '64 a Jaguar Mark X charged down the arcade, scattering pedestrians, and six masked men leapt out, smashed the windows of the Goldsmiths and Silversmiths Association shop, and stole jewellery valued at £35,000. They were never caught.

Big Brother Is Now

The Lancaster City, PA, Council voted unanimously to begin near-constant aerial surveillance of its city from May 1. (Did you know that Lancaster is the oldest inland city in the United States?)

The surveillance will be done by a piloted Cessna 172 fixed-wing aircraft for 10 hours a day and will cost the city $300 an hour, or about $90,000 a month. The technology, developed by the Lancaster-based Spiral Technology, Inc., includes the use of infrared imaging. "The camera could spot a home invasion robbery or track unsuspecting criminals. It could note car accidents so patrol cars could get there more quickly," city officials told the Los Angeles Times. Lancaster will be the first city in the nation to use the technology, which has previously only been used by the military, NASA and a few other federal agencies.

Me: "How was your visit to [Head Master] Mr H's offices (for poor behavior)?

Madeleine: "I didn't have to go."

Me: "Oh? Why not?"

Madeleine: "Mr B forgot."

Me: "Maybe I should have a talk with Mr B."

Madeleine: "No! That is so unfair!"

Me: "How is your behavior, then?"

Madeleine: "Fine. You are so cruel."

Me: "It was not me mis-behaving young lady."

Madeleine: "It wasn't a Big Deal, anyhow, Dad."

Me: "You don't get to decide that."

Madeleine: "You just want to see me in trouble."

Me: "No, just the opposite, actually."

Madeleine: "Are you going to talk to Mr B?"

Me: "We shall see how it goes and that is the best you are going to get from me."

Photo from the movie "1984".

Fulham FC

The All Stars play a friendly against the Fulham Academy under-10s, pictured, on the Fulham FC grounds. Just another Tuesday night.  Me, I go running, then sit in reception to keep warm and blog and watch England vs. Sweden on the tele (England has not defeated Sweden since '68).

I listen to the ancient grounds keepers bitch about this or that but, man, do they know every blade of grass about their football: "Come on Theo, lad, put one in there!" and so on and so forth.  One offers : "I was was at John Terry's house last week" (John Terry being the England captain before he shagged his best mate's wife); the immediate reply: "On the job, were ya?" and so it goes. What really gets them going, though, is who is getting paid what for doing nothing.  I chip in my enthusiasm whenever England makes a strike or the goalkeeper Carson blocks something, anything (Eitan and I both agree: Carson a butter-fingers who kept us out of the '08 Euro Cup by allowing a clunker against Croatia. But who remembers these things?).

Then again, who would have ever thought that I would care about soccer, let alone spend half my waking life driving the boy to and from practice or watching games in my free time, as we do tonight, well past Eitan's bed time?  Not having grown up with a home team , I miss the passion of, say, a Liverpool or ManU fan, but I can appreciate the misery and joy having followed Cal from age three. Okay, Cal has been mostly misery but I still get it.  England wins, 1-nil. 

Madeleine's visit to Mr H gets a shrugged shoulder. More on this later.

Our Little Darling

Madeleine, March 2005, Kew Gardens

Me: "How was your day, Kiddo?"
Eitan: "Madeleine was in school assembly. And she got into trouble."
Me: "Oh? What did she do?"
Eitan: "She tied some girls shoe laces together and now she has to go to Mr H's office [school Head Master] tomorrow morning. 
Me: "Remember when I exploded that stink bomb on the school bus in 6th grade?"
Eitan: Yeah, so?"
Me: "I had to go to the principal's office, too, and I was crying like crazy. I bet she's terrified."
Eitan: "Are you mad at her?"
Me: "No. Not for this."

Later.
Me: "Hi Madeleine, how was your day?"
Madeleine: "I was in class. And I knocked a book over and it made a 'thump' and I lost two-minutes of 'Golden Time'".
Me: "Did that happen in assembly?"
Madeleine: "Um, no Dad, that was something different."
Me: "Yes?"
Madeleine: "I was sitting next to Billy and Zac and next to Billy there was Sarah. And I was absent-mindedly tying Sarah's shoe laces together. .. ."  
Me: "Absent mindedly. Then what?"
Madeleine: "Mr B looked over, and saw me, and he was furious. I lost another two-minutes of 'Golden Time.'  And tomorrow I am going to Mr H's office. It is so unfair."
Me: "What would have happened if Sarah had fallen and hurt herself?"
Madeleine: "She wouldn't have, Dad. Mr B should not have been so mad."
Me: "He has to keep a class of 29 kids under control. I bet he was mad."
Madeleine: "If you are trying to make me feel better it is not working."

Later.
Madeleine: "I have an idea. About going to Mr H's office.
Me: "Let's hear it."
Madeleine: "I will get hit by a car. Then they will put me in one of those things, a body cast, and I will have two broken legs and broken arms."
Me: "And a poked out eyeball? Or your left nostril torn open!"
Madeleine: "Yeah! And they will wheel me into his office and Mr H will be, like, 'Woa!"
Me: "No doubt."
Madeleine: "Then he will ask me what happened and I will tell him that I was hit by a car, thrown into a sharp shrubbery and then mugged and everything."
Me: "Diverting his attention?"
Madeleine: "Yes."
Me: "And he will let you off?"
Madeleine: "Of course. He will be crying so hard he won't remember the shoe laces."
Me: "Good plan but let's not do it."
Madeleine: "Why not?"
Me: "Just promise, Ok please"
Madeleine: "Ok, Dad. Whatever you say."

Self Portrait XXII

Madeleine: "Usually, if a couple of people are walking down the street, it is about the looks first."
Me: "True. But there are other things too of course."
Madeleine: "Then there is the personality."
Me: "I thought your mother the prettiest thing I'd ever seen when we first met. Still do."
Madeleine: "If you were walking down the streets of London do you think you would attract good looks now?"
Me: "You tell me."
Madeleine: "Um, no offense to you, Dad, but probably not. You would only have the chance if you had a purple shirt, white trousers, and that hair you had when you were younger that made your head look square."
Me: "That all?"
Madeleine: "And your other glasses."
Me: "That's very nice of you."
Madeleine: "Don't forget that it's the thought that counts."

Madeleine: "Guess what Alex is getting?"
Me: "How should I know?"
Madeleine: "He is going to get a tarantula and a scorpion."
Me: "Doesn't he already have a snake?"
Madeleine: "Yes."
Me: "You won't be going over there for a play date anytime soon."
Madeleine: "They're safe, Dad. They had their penises taken off."
Me: "They had their penises taken off? How does that make them safe?"
Madeleine: "Pincers, not penises."
Me:
Madeleine: "You know I can see the veins on your head when you laugh like that."