Self Portrait XXII

Madeleine: "Usually, if a couple of people are walking down the street, it is about the looks first."
Me: "True. But there are other things too of course."
Madeleine: "Then there is the personality."
Me: "I thought your mother the prettiest thing I'd ever seen when we first met. Still do."
Madeleine: "If you were walking down the streets of London do you think you would attract good looks now?"
Me: "You tell me."
Madeleine: "Um, no offense to you, Dad, but probably not. You would only have the chance if you had a purple shirt, white trousers, and that hair you had when you were younger that made your head look square."
Me: "That all?"
Madeleine: "And your other glasses."
Me: "That's very nice of you."
Madeleine: "Don't forget that it's the thought that counts."

Madeleine: "Guess what Alex is getting?"
Me: "How should I know?"
Madeleine: "He is going to get a tarantula and a scorpion."
Me: "Doesn't he already have a snake?"
Madeleine: "Yes."
Me: "You won't be going over there for a play date anytime soon."
Madeleine: "They're safe, Dad. They had their penises taken off."
Me: "They had their penises taken off? How does that make them safe?"
Madeleine: "Pincers, not penises."
Me:
Madeleine: "You know I can see the veins on your head when you laugh like that."