Luca and Tobacco Salad

Eitan with Anthony's kitten "Luca."

Me: "I'm making dinner."

Madeleine: "Are you making tobacco salad?"

Me: "Taco salad, yes."

Madeleine: "Can I put it in the garbage bag and mash it up with my hands?"

Me: "We're not going to do that this time."

Madeleine: "That's not very nice."

Me: "Here, chuck that in the recycling bin."

Madeleine: "Bad, Dad, it's pure lettuce."

Me: "So?"

Madeleine: "But it is pure lettuce!"

Eitan, reading from the Code of Conduct: "It says here that at The Hampton School I am not allowed to have facial hair."

Me:

Eitan: "Unless it's for religious purposes. Also you can't dye your hair an unnatural colour."

Me: "Can your hair be a rat's nest?"

Eitan: "And you have to button the top button of your shirt . . . ."

Me: "And worse: you're going to have to wear a tie every day."

Eitan: "I was expecting that."

Me: "Remember the last time you wore a tie? Oh, the sweet tears!"

Eitan: "Well, I was just a kid then."

Raquel Welch, on live television, with a cat in her lap: "Would you like to stroke my pussy?"

Johny Carson: "Sure, move the cat."

She sued The Tonight Show and won.