Model Train

On Richard Hammond we watch, stunned, a World Record attempt for longest miniature train rail.  In this instance we go for a replication of the now defunct 'Atlantic Coast Rail' also fondly known as the 'Ocean Express' connecting Waterloo station and seaside resorts in the south west. The Ocean Express ran from 1926 to 1964; at its peak it included coaches for nine separate destinations. These were mostly steam engines and the distance, like, over 100 miles.  And now it comes back to life for those suffering the savant syndrome  and we, the viewing public. Every now and then I am reminded: "this is England."  Thousands of volunteers lend Richard assistance while we kids watch mesmerised ("Can you believe this, Dad?" Eitan asks).  The day of the attempt looks like rain (been here before, oh boy).  Since Waterloo a tad too busy, our beginning Barnstable.  Five .. four... three.. two.. one... the train goes 20 yards and .. stops.  Hammond keeps it together while several worried middle-aged men huddle over the toy.  Oh, yes -- we are on the wrong track.  Since Britain, there is redundancy and our trains should have been .. on the other track.   And we are off.  Village people turn out waving local and England flags.  At the terminus some strange dudes in kelts play wind pipes - the oldest, looking at his watch, points out: "it is about a hair past a freckle. We will see you at the pub."  During the meanwhile our train chugs through fields, over rivers and passes via (cheering, gay) towns.  In front of the petite engine, an official dude greases the rail grooves while others, mostly men, follow in all seriousness - they are not allowed to touch the train, you see, or WR disqualified. Sadly, the effort goes kaput at Instow at 11PM.  The show ends on a certain, er, downer. Hammond dodges gallantly noting the English enthusiasm and all that. Some went without sleep for 24 hours. Me, I know the sad truth: founder of the steam engine and once owner of the world's greatest train network, Britain today cannot do a model set. Ah, but what a try -- the attempt alone world class.

Me: "Can you you give us an example of 'subtle'?"

Katie: "If I said, 'you stink' or 'wouldn't you love a bath?'"

Madeleine: "Well, the first one is a complement."

Me, Katie:

Madeleine: "I mean, the first one is a complement for a kid."

Eitan: "Once, when we were learning about the food pyramid, Mrs. A asked what a carbohydrate is."

Me:

Eitan: "And Oscar said it is something to do with cardboad.'