A Moving Comedy

By New York and SF friend Celine Gouillou.

Self Portrait XXVI

Le Bain De Mer

I snap this photo from an ad on the Paris Metro where I am this late evening.  The contrast with the otherwise disinterested Parisians interests me  : "you can have this," the bather suggests (or maybe even "you can have me").  Do they want it, skipping between tunnels, no natural light ? London's underground ads are less nude.

So this puts me in the frame of .. age nine : Donovan (a bad kid whose parents were hippies) and I used to bike on our choppers ( baseball cards in spokes) to 7-11 on Solano for super-hero Slurpees and comic books and a brief scan of Playboy which, back then, was not behind the counter requiring an adult engagement. This my first look at a woman's figure. How innocent compared to a few clix on the Internet.  From then to the metro : that glance remains as fascinating as ever.

The family hunkers down to watch "Rambo" which has captured Madeleine's imagination (being rated '15'  gives the film further cred).  Despite all the retreads and subsequents, Stallone created two indelible heroes : Rocky the underdog and Rambo the forgotten vet. Both use violence to express themselves and we root for them all the way.

Boot Camp

Madeleine joins the commandos for Zac's birthday party.

And, since nobody seems to really care, here is Britain currently at war: British troops have been based in Afghanistan since the US-Led invastion in 2001. Currently, under Operation Herrick, the Army maintains troops in Camp Souter, Kabuul and a brigade on 6-monthly rotation in the southern province of Helmand, mostly based in Camp Bastion and forward operating bases. In late 2009, the resident brigade is 11 Brigade. This brigade has previously served tours in Afghanistan. In 2009, the then Secretary of State for Defence Bob Ainsworth announced British troop numbers in Afghanistan to increase by 500 to a new high of more than 9,500 by late 2009 (from BBC news).

"What I have said is, people in Britain should understand we're not going to be there in five years' time, in 2015, with combat troops or large numbers because I think it's important to give people an end date by which we won't be continuing in that way."
--David Cameron, UK Prime Minister

"We should be thinking in terms of decades."
--Sir Sherard Cowper-Coles,  Foreign Secretary's Special Representative to Afghanistan and Pakistan 

"Can we watch Rambo?"

--Madeleine

Lady Helen Melons

The Lady Helen Taylor (Helen Marina Lucy Taylor, nee Windsor, born 28 April 1964) is a first cousin once removed of Queen Elizabeth II. She is the great-granddaughter of King George V and is in the line of succession to the British throne.  Her nickname is 'Melons' because of her ample bosom.

Madeleine Reports

Yep, Friday.  Madeleine reads me her first assignment, pictured - a three page story - about a creature she names 'Eric' : not quite human , not quite Stuart Little. Our dear still owes me a book report by this evening of the same length , which may prove problematic as she is (cleverly) at Zac's all-day birthday party.  Eitan, for his part, has yet to crack War And Peace (recall he is tasked with a five page written assessment on the first chapters) and he groans when I remind him it is also due today.  We haggle a bit (he, indignantly : "How can I write five pages about 50 pages ?") and I relent , allowing him to choose the book which will probably be "The Hunger Games" which he re-reads.

I had to do these sorts of things once or twice for Moe and Grace : I remember one miserable summer afternoon writing about the great white shark which was mostly a retelling of the Encyclopedia Britannica. Am I stronger for it today ? You bet.

"The great white shark is a species of shark.  This fish is a good swimmer and is the world's largest predatory fish.. Great white sharks have about 3,000 teeth, arranged in many rows. The first two rows of the teeth are used for grabbing and cutting the animals they eat, while the other teeth in the last rows replace the front teeth when they are broken, worn down, or when they fall out. The teeth have the shape of a triangle with jags on the edges. Great white sharks eat fish and other animals, for example seals and sea lions."

--The great white shark from the Encyclopedia Britannica

The Illustrated Man (1920-2012)

I discovered Ray Bradbury, who has died age 92, in seventh grade 'reading period' (twenty minutes between morning classes) at King Jr High. Most of the kids goofed or napped but I could not wait to dive into 'The Rocket' or 'The Long Rain' : Astronauts stranded on Venus, where it rains non-stop. The men make their way towards a "sun dome" - a shelter with a large artificial light source. The first one they find destroyed by the Venetians. Searching for another sun dome the men driven to madness and suicide by the unrelenting rhythm of the rain.  By the end, only one sane astronaut remains (and finds a functional sun dome).

I still mull this over in my mind from time to time before falling asleep.

Half Term Hols - Energy Use

Here is something to consider : In 2012/11, we spent £26.250 and £57.750 a day on electricity and gas. From April 1, 2010 to March 31 , our household consumed 13,348 KWh of electricity and 35,683 KWh of gas.  According to UK charity Homesave, the national averages for a four bedroom house (ours) is 6,000 and 29,000 KWh for electricity and gas, respectively.  This ain't good.

Gallery

Sonnet's Ballgowns in the New York Times : "Gowns for Belles of the Ball at the Victoria and Albert Museum". Says Sonnet: “When the Queen ended Court presentations in 1958, it signalled a shift toward informality.”  Note the original terracotta floors which, until a recent re-do of the fashion gallery, carpeted.

Today Sonnet moves "upstairs" at the museum, away from the daily hustle and bustle of , you know, a normal job, to work solely on 'La Moda,' her 2014 major exhibition on Italian fashion. She also completes a book on London fashion in the '80s.

Little Rhody Is Miss USA

And just like that, a little girl's dreams can come true! Olivia Culpo of Rhode Island named Miss USA and will represent the United States at the Miss Universe pageant later this year.  Having once lived in , and painted, Providence, RI, I feel a special affinity towards Olivia's ambition.

Culpo, 20, competed in the traditional swimsuit and evening gown competitions at the Las Vegas pageant, but also answered a question about an issue that earlier this year 'vexed' the organisers of the Miss Universe pageant in Canada : Culpo was asked if it is fair that a transgender woman would win Miss USA over a natural born woman, and she answered, "I do think that would be fair, but I can understand that people would be a little apprehensive to take that road."  The starlet continued: "So many people out there who have a need to change for a happier life. I do accept that because I believe it is a free country."

Meanwhile, according to Fortune Magazine, there are 12 women CEOs of US Fortune 500 companies. The number of female directors on corporate boards is 12.6%.

Since this is half-term, I task Madeleine with a three-page written story and a three-page book report (Our Dear protests but chooses "War Horse", which she has read, over the first 50-pages of War And Peace, which I assign to Eitan). No way  Sonnet and I raising a pretty face, whatever Madeleine's life goals may be or become.

Dot

Venus cuts across the sun in one of the rarest astronomical events - it won’t happen again for the next 105 years (photo from the AP). Only six transits of Venus observed since the advent of astronomical instruments, with the earliest known passage marked in 1639, says Joe Rao of NYC’s Hayden Planetarium . We are but a spec of dust and some peat moss, no more.

The Venus transit reminds me of the B movie "Pitch Black" starring Vin Dissel : A spaceship crash-lands on barren and hot desert-scape with sunlight from three suns.  When the planet engulfed in darkness by an eclipse, which happens every 22 years, the survivors hunted by the planet's flesh-eating alien inhabitants, as they come to the surface to hunt and eat all signs of life . ..

On the space alien theme, I was going to see Ridley Scott's "Prometheus", which is the pre-Story of "Alien", only Sonnet has to spend this evening at a speed-awareness course for a driving violation : she was going 36 mph in a 30mph zone (for Pete's sake). And this a bank holiday to boot.

Me: "What do you think of Aliens?"

Eitan: "What?"

Me: "Aliens, like do they exist?"

Eitan: "No."

Me: "You seem pretty confident."

Eitan: "Is this for your blog?"

Block Party

We have a merry old celebration toasting Queen Elizabeth II and singing "God Save The Queen".  A DJ sparks things up with modern muzak and the caterers roast a pig. Our house tasked with cupcakes for the table and Eitan and Madeleine go to work.  All this organised by Cathy (an American of course).  I hang a Union flag from the second floor window. Note the absence of rain.

Our neighbour Martin, who was born in his house, recalls the Queen's coronation in '52, which he watched at Trafalgar Square, climbing on shoulders to see the action. Why Trafalgar Sq? It was the central point of the procession so Martin got three looks at Royal carriage and other dignitaries : the Queen of Tonga, he tells me, "so fat her carriage tilted."  Martin BTW not the oldest on our our block : that honour goes to Richard, a CBE, also born in his house, seven years before Martin (recall Martin a part of the Second World War evacuation which he explained , patiently, to Madeleine when she studied this period in school).

I meet Dominic who is a retired art dealer who spent his spare time foraging car boot sales for under-valued treasures : he made enough to buy a detached property nearby us and now 'day trades' one mineral-rights stock which, he notes, "swings 50 points a day - more than enough volatility for me."  Munir, to my right, a self-made accountant from India - he trained as a mechanical engineer but when Britain junked its manufacturing for services in the '80s and '90s, he was forced to pursue a different profession.  Munir's shy pretty daughter hangs on Munir's shoulder; she is one year older than Eitan , and now attends the Tiffen School for Girls - one of the most selective independents in London.  Munir tells me the Queen stands for family values otherwise lost in this country. I don't take the bait.

Sometimes I feel like an alien in a strange land.

"God save the queen
The fascist regime
They made you a moron
Potential H-bomb

"God save the queen
She ain't no human being
There is no future
In England's dreaming"

--God Save The Queen", the Sex Pistols

Murder

Phil prepares for England v Belgium. He has a genuine wit and unafraid to walk the villa in his pants - not something I would otherwise wish to see in the morning. His son Alphie a crack goalie who has saved many a game for Elm Grove; Phil runs up-and-down the pitch barefoot calling 'offsides' as needed. He was London police for 30 years - now retired - and we compare thoughts on various neighbourhoods. 

Phil tells me the worst on his beat was Brixton, where he was during the '81 riots : Following weeks of smouldering tensions, April 11 erupted in violence (dubbed "Bloody Saturday")  resulting in 280 injuries to police and 45 injuries to the public while over a hundred vehicles burned, including 56 police cars; and almost 150 buildings damaged, with thirty torched. Maybe 5,000 people involved leading to 82 arrests.  Mean streets.  Queue Margaret Thatcher.

Road Show

Eitan's Elm Grove in tournament action over the long-weekend so we drive to Torquay , which is also known as the English Riviera , but reminds me of Daly City.  We stay on grounds organised by the tournament hosts - maybe 25 club teams - and it is close-quarters : seven of us in a cabin.

The weekend all about the football and Day 1 sees the All Stars in four games, winning three including the Yellows, who have six lads playing with academy clubs (do note the line at the bap stand beyond Eitan which announces boldly : "sensational food.") This the last match of the day and sends the boys and us off on a high. And, since Britain, that means one thing : booze.

But the soccer not over as England plays Belgium in a "friendly" so we troop over to the club house, also serving as the "Tropicana", to check out the big-screens (as I show up late, the ribbing starts early). England wins 1-nil so even more reason to celebrate.

Unfortunately the weather turns from cold and overcast to cold and wet and the BBQ forced underneath a ledge and the rest of us huddle beneath an ill-suited gazebo and eat Doritos.  As it is her Majesty's 60th year on the throne, we are surrounded by cheery Union flags (only called "Union Jacks" btw if flow on one of her Majesty's Royal Navy vessels) and bunting.  The good spirits flow , along with the beef burgers, cigarettes and "Britain's Got Talent" which is on, in the background, in someone's cabin, visible through a window. I take it all in : cultural experience dude.

Diamond Jubilee

And so, Friday. This weekend celebrates the 60th anniversary of the accession of Queen Elizabeth II to the thrown (the actual date February 6, 1952 or when King George VI died). I am impressed by the amount of bunting in our neighborhood and everywhere.

Me: "So what makes a house valuable?"

Madeleine: "Not this again."

Me: "Seriously. You may want to buy a house one day, so why do you think they are so dear?"

Madeleine: "Because they've got plumbing?"

Me:

Madeleine: "What's so funny Dad?"

Me:

Madeleine: "I didn't want to have this conversation anyway."

Simon And A Kayak

Simon, pictured, introduces me to a kayak.  We meet at the Chiswick pier where I am kitted with a kayak, a double-sided paddle and a life-vest plus a hearty "good luck" and, just like that, I am floating.  The ducks and geese pay me no mind; a coot floats by and the moorhens , with a red flash, about everywhere. I also see a crested grebe and a heron (who eats a fish which seems halfway caught in its long skinny neck).  It is hot and the banks lush with greenery. The water brown and opaque. Joggers whizz by while the serious rowers stroke in unison: puff, puff, puff!  I stay away from them.

I love the eccentricity of it all of course. A relaxing way to see London. When landed, Simon keeps his kayak in front of his house on the Chiswick Mall (unlocked) and feet from the water so he may go for a float whenever he should wish. It suits him : born in Florence, educated at Oxford and now a venture capitalist - I would expect him to take exercise in no other fashion.

Me: "Which cereal are you having?"
Madeleine: "Coco Sugar Pops."
Me: "How about the Fruit Loops?"
Madeleine: "They only had Honey Loops, which are like Cheerios with honey."
Me: "Mmm."
Madeleine: "Eitan always eats the ones he doesn't like first and saves the best ones for last."
Me: "It's a good strategy."
Madeleine: "Yeah, I guess. If you are Eitan."

Airport '77 And A Big Bag Of Sweets

I watch 'Airport 77' which enthralled me when I was ten years old. Flying was a big deal and the idea of a plane sinking to the bottom of the ocean with its crew on board - holy catfish, that's exciting stuff.  It is just like watching the Love Boat  with all the ancients making a last pay check before the grave: Jimmy Stewart, Olivia de Haviland, Jack Lemmon, George Kennedy .. all over-acting and projecting the best time of their life.  And the clothes! Brown suits, plaids, bow ties and bell bottoms.  Wide collars and suit vests. ..  Who needs a plot ?

But what a plot! The plane at the Bermuda Triangle ! with a bunch of stolen art ! and the coast guard ! races to save the crew !!  All the personalities come together : the rich drunk middle-age woman having the inappropriate affair, the underpaid pilot in love with the woman once scorned, the silver haired businessman with a hidden agenda. The black bar tender just like Isaac.  They are all together when the jumbo goes down. And down and down. An early version of Pong makes an appearance in the air plane cabin.  The plane inches to a deep sea precipice.

It almost makes the '70s look fun accept for , you know, Jimmy Carter and the Viet Nam war.

Me: "What would you rather have, a big bag of sweets or a chocolate bar?"
Madeleine: "A big bag of sweets."
Me: "A big bag of sweets or chocolate cake?"
Madeleine: "A big bag of sweets."
Me: "A big bag of sweets or chocolate cake and ice cream?"
Madeleine: "A big bag of sweets."
Me: "A big bag of sweets or your birthday. . ."
Made: "My birthday. Because I would have a big bag of sweets."
Me: "A big bag of sweets or a big bag of sweets and the television."
Madeleine: "A big bag of sweets plus the TV."
Me: "A big bag of sweets or a big bag of sweets and the TV and Rusty at your feet?"
Madeleine: "A big bag of sweets and the TV and Rusty."
Me: "Is that the pinnacle then? Is there anything better ?"
Madeleine: "A big bag of sweets, being in bed listening to Harry Potter and Rusty in my room.  And it would be raining."
Me: "That sounds about perfect to me."
Madeleine: "Yeah."

"All new, bigger, and more exciting than AIRPORT 1975!"--Poster tagline from Airport '77.

Summer Roses

This year we did not have much of a spring given the record-setting rainfall in April and the first half of May. Now, though, the garden in bloom including my roses, pictured.

Since Sonnet and Eitan both away, I do what any self-respecting single parent would do when granted the opportunity: I buy Madeleine sugar cereal and ice cream, which we finish off in front of the television way past her bedtime.

“Green was the silence, wet was the light,
the month of June trembled like a butterfly.”
--Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

Self Portrait XXV

Here is how much the US government will spend on my protection in 2012 : $ 531B base budget+$115 B for overseas contingency operations (source: The Pentagon)

But there is more. After adjusting for double counting and offsetting receipts, America will spend $125B on veterans, $49B for seperate retirement funds, $42B on homeland security, $22B on foreign military sales and aid, and $18B on nuclear programs. Throw in $58B to cover a fair share of the government's military related interest cost and the total is .. .$960B. Give or take . (Source: Financial Times). This is 6% of GDP and 26% of Federal spending.

Repub contender Mitt Romney on Memorial Day :
"We have two courses we can follow: One is to follow in the pathway of Europe, to shrink our military smaller and smaller to pay for our social needs. The other is to commit to preserve America as the strongest military in the world, second to none, with no comparable power anywhere in the world."

Madejski Garden

Sonnet shows a few friends around Ballgowns including Puk, pictured, and here we are sitting in the John Madejski Garden in the center of the V&A. An underutilised London treasure.  Lars wants me to swim the English Channel with him which I politely decline. I must take his offer seriously since he completed an Iron Man inside 14 hours last year. This from scratch ten months before .

Sonnet and Stan to Atlanta where they will stay with Shelton and  maybe see Bill.  Shelton has made a museum introduction for Sonnet regarding her La Moda exhibition (recall Shelton was the  President and CEO of the Atlanta Woodruff Center including the Atlanta Art Museum plus a number of performing arts spaces and raised a couple hundred million dollars to get the thing built).  Since Eitan in France it is just me and Madeleine, who gives me a dubious look over her cereal bowl.