Ms Britain And An Evening At Home

If Tiger and Foxy Noxy and, and, and all the other wonderful celebrity not distracting you from Copenhagen or Afghanistan or Tony Blair then here's a good bit of cheer: we, that is Britain, are No. One! Bona fide. Kaiane Aldorino, pictured (photo David Parody), representing Gibraltar and therefore a British national, cast aside the early favourite Miss Puerto Rico to become Miss World 2009 in Johannesburg. Miss Aldorino, 22, who otherwise works as an administrator, accepted the crown at the weekend after triumphing in the swimsuit competition. God bless.  And to think the planet coming to an end. It is, isn't it?

Madeleine: "Nathaniel always says swear words, especially the 'F' word."

Me: "Really?"

Madeleine: "And the 'S-H' word."

Me: "Why?"

Madeleine (matter of factly): "Because he likes doing it."

Madeleine: "Roxanne is leaving" (Roxanne Nathaniel's nanny)

Me: "How do you know that?"

Madeleine: "Natasha told me. It is a secret."

Me: 

Madeleine: "It is because she is not getting paid enough."

Eitan: "Dad, can I have some Caremel Chew Chew?" (Ben & Jerry's ice cream)

Me: "If you have that ice cream bar, no."

Eitan: "Dad! If I don't, you are going to pig out on it!"

Me: "I promise I won't."

Eitan: "I can spot Carmel Chew Chew a mile away."

Me: "Ok, how am I doing, on a scale of one to ten, ten being the best"

Madeleine: "Nine. No, wait. Seven."

Me: "Why seven?"

Madeleine: "Because you do too much shouting."

Eitan: "Five."

Me:

Eitan: "Because half the time you are talking to us, you are shouting and being angry."

Eitan: "Guess what Stanley and I are doing in the school talent show?"

Me: "I don't really care."

Eitan: "A comedy show. A slow-motion comedy act."
Me: "Tell me more."
Eitan: "We are doing a football comedy show and I am going to run up to the ball and pretend its really hard work then I am going to tap the ball really really lightly and say it is really hard. And then Stanley is going to dive in slow-motion and miss the ball and the ball is going to go into the goal. Stanley is a really rubbish goal keeper and I did a really rubbish kick" (Eitan play-acts the scenario).
Me:
Eitan: "I am going to do that five times and each time it is going to get worse and worse and worse."

Me: "Eitan, if you don't do your Kumon, I am going to turn into the grumpy, unpleasant Dad. Or, I can be the happy, silly Dad which is the mood I am in now.  Which do you wish?"

Eitan: "The 'happy Dad.'"

Madeleine: "Grumpy? You mean like the duck?"

Eitan: "No Madeleine, you mean Goofy. And he's a dog."

Me:

Me: "I want to see thirty minutes of your brains working. Even you, Madeleine, though you have half a brain."

Madeleine: "That was very mean, Dad."