Self Portrait XII
Walking to school, I ask Eitan how he feels about being nine and he shrugs non-chalantly - same as it ever was. Madeleine, on the other hand, knows all about it: "I would be bigger. And I would have more money. To buy buddies. And my work would be easier." I note some melancholy in the boy and so, when nobody around, I ask how he is feeling - it turns out, blue for no particular reason. I recall feeling the same around his age and especially by seventh-grade when I had days I could not go to school for the tears and only wanted to be with my mother. I tell Eitan we all feel sad sometimes for no reason and note that I still feel the blues in my stomach. He absorbs this a bit as we stroll to the playground. At separation, I look Eitan in the eye and tell him how proud I and Sonnet are of him and, unusually these days, I get a nod and a discrete hug before he bolts for his friends.
