DDG

Princes Diana used DDG for Wils and I think appropriate for my kids too, no doubt. My Grandmother Dorothy would say they "come from good stock." Over a dinner-party Sonnet and I are told how the mothers ogle Eitan on the playground, poor him. Of course he absolutely hates anything to do with looks or love. Egad. Our tour of the castle continues and from the outside turrets and cannon we head inside to outrageous splendor beginning with the most wicked doll-house I have ever seen (it is Queen Mary's). From there into the main salon then the various apartments for sleep, dress, library and reception - all in various gold leaf or style with plenty of da Vinci's, Rembrandts and Holbeins to marvel upon. A touching chamber, created for Prince Charles 60th, presents black and white photographs of the next King from birth to Diana to Camilla. He has formed 17 charities and whilst perhaps he took a beating over the People's Princess he has been actively campaigning for Britain and for good.

The kids enthusiasm quickly diminishes once inside and after an hour of endless frivolty they do what comes naturally: run amock. I have to pull them in hard under the reproachful eye of the wards who, as a job's perk, get to live on the grounds. So the kids don't quite, ahem, appreciate the 900 years of history we plod through and just as well because it is lunch time. They have only one thing on their minds and it is a clown. With red shoes.

Madeleine: "Dad can I have a buddy. Can I? Can I have a buddy now? After lunch? Can I have a buddy? Dad? A ... b-u-d-d-y. I promise to be good, dad, if I can have a buddy. Ok? Just. One. Buddy, dad. I'll give you my french fries for a buddy. Please, dad, Pleeeeassse. Can I have just one buddy? Can I? Why not? You are so mean. You always say no. Always, dad. Please can I have a buddy? Aw, dad. It is always the same answer. Please. No? Dad! Just one, I promise. I promise one buddy, OK? Dad! I will give you a hug and a kiss..."
Repeat, if possible, for 24 yours.