Rutshire Chronicles

Jilly Cooper, in her soooo '80s classic "Riders," introduced us to Jake Lovell (Aspirational gypsy. Rides horses), Helen Macauley (Hot American, lousy in bed. Rides horses), Rupert Campbell-Black (Brutish aristocrat. Hairy chested. Rides), Billy Lloyd-Foxe (Jake's rival at horse jumping), Fenella Maxwell (Rich, hot, rides) and Tory Maxwell (Debutant wife. Doesn't ride). They all have sex and fight and ride horses and wife swap and horse-swap and talk about horses and talk about riding horses and go to the Olympics to ride horses and , and, and . . You may not be one of the 20 M readers of the book but most likely you have seen the jacket cover, pictured. My first time at the Oakland Airport on my way to freshman year when being an adult could not come fast enough. Cooper, for her part, awarded an OBE for services to literature in the Queen's Birthday Honours list in 2004.

The serious side of the '80s was, of course, the tragedy of AIDS. Mine the first generation to believe that sex could mean a horrible, ghastly and lonely death.

"Wondering if she had a ginger bush, he felt the stirrings of lust. He'd tank her up at lunchtime and take her back to his mother's house."

--Rupert Campbell-Black in Jilly Cooper's "Riders," 1985

W'Loo @ 3PM

I perch myself at the station's southside upstairs and take a few photos with my bb. The Evening Standard, pictured, went freesheets in October '09 after 180-years of paid circulation. Blame the Internets. Daily readership surged from about 260 K in '06 to >600 K last year.

Outdoor Greens

I am at the RIBA which btw introduced to me years ago by stylish and gentlemanly friend Maurizio. The cafe restaurant best enjoyed in summer when an outdoor sculpture garden available to Kensington's ladies that lunch and museum types (you choose my slot). A news team films "hidden green spaces" in central London, pictured.

To Have Not

Madeleine's heart set on a mobile "for emergencies". Let it be known our policy age-11 , which the kids put in the "gyp pile" alongside the Nintendo DX, wii, Xbox and various other medias we do not have yet apparently enjoyed by every household in the universe.

A predictable crisis : when 12 million Americans owe more than their homes worth the country running on empty. Who can dispute this observation when the US govt borrows $4.5 B a day to just keep going. And this : the Fed buys 70% of all new Treasury paper, making the government the largest client of its own debt. This possible by increasing the money-supply and the balance sheet of the Fed itself, a practice that will eventually blow up.

"I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today."

--J. Wellington Wimpy

Driver's Ed + Social Living

Eric attends driver's education and reports: "I had to go in order for Ben to get his junior license. ... another dad looked at me when we were leaving and said, "well that's two hours of my life I'm never getting back."

We Berkeley High sophomores (that would be '83) split a semester into Driver's Ed and Social Living, taught by the wonderful Nancy Rubin; Nancy at BHS from 1977 to 1996 and was one of the cool adults who wore stylish middle-age clothes and had frizzy hair and expensive beed necklaces. Sometimes sleek sandals if warm. Her class discussed things like masturbation (boys agreed: girls have better options), contraception (no 16 year-old likes a rubber) and abortion (most to all kids support choice - Berkeley, dude) and other stuff too awkward or difficult to bring home. Nancy became a minor celebrity, on Oprah, and known across the country. A highlight of her class : a letter we addressed to ourselves, post-marked and stamped, for future delivery. Mine arrived at my parents' house in 2003 or 20 years later. It still scares the shit out of me - I have yet to open the damn thing. Maybe I will give to Eitan or Madeleine on their 16th birthday? Maybe I will dispose of it privately. Photo from Eric.

Porn

Britain has a drink problem and ads like the above do not help. I find this one disturbing - do we really need to see a bulging sweaty veined arm gripping the upward pointing bottles? On the underground , where I take this photo?

Blue Blazer

The blue blazer cocktail created by Jerry Thomas, a bartender and author, while he was working at at the El Dorado in San Francisco. As legend has it, President Ulysses S. Grant so impressed by the drink that he gave Thomas a cigar. Thomas would only make the drink if the outside temperature below 50 F or if the person had a cold or the flu, whose symptoms the drink was to alleviate. It is not so much the drink (which is just a simple whisky punch) but the mixing that is unique.

Originally concocted in two silver cups, the whisky and water heated separately and poured into their own cup. The whisky then lit and, while burning, the water and whisky poured back and forth between the cups without extinguishing the fire creating a long blue flame between the two cups.

Recipe

2½ oz rye or bourbon whiskey or Brandy

2½ oz boiling water

1 tsp powdered sugar

Lemon peel

600

Eitan at last week's borough athletics competition. The boy runs the 600 meters "long distance" (Sonnet's photo from mobile).

Jail Break

Once the hamster #1 but then came the fish. And now Rusty. Not taken out of his cage in weeks, Tommy gets the hint. Now he trains himself on one task : escape.

Mr Burns

Here is where things stand: Thousands of private phone messages hacked by News Of The World. The violated from Prince William and Sienna Miller to murder victims and families of soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. The arrest of Andy Coulson, the paper's former editor and press chief to PM David Cameron. The arrest of Clive Goodman (second time!), the paper's former Royals editor. The 10 July closing of NoW putting hundreds of employees out of work. Murdoch's bid to acquire 100% of BSkyB in jeopardy (he owns 39%). Allegations of bribery, wiretapping, and other forms of law-breaking including payoffs to the police. Charges that millions of emails deleted to thwart Scotland Yard's investigation. Charges that Scotland Yard made aware of illegal wiretapping in 2007 but did not pursue a full investigation. Insinuations that Tony Blair and David Cameron ran policy decisions by Murdoch before the House of Commons.

We may not be half-way through this thing yet. Other Fleet Street rags likely to be drawn in for similar shady practices. My guess : James Murdoch fears arrest. Could Murdoch Sr be forced down? Photo from Reuters.

Dreamy

This handsome dude Madeleine's dance teacher at her weekly performance class. We chat for a bit about Madeleine and hair gel.

Madeleine performs a series of vignettes culminating in a rousing "Saturday Night Fever" with disco choreography. She points to the invisible disco ball as though she were Travolta himself. The auditorium filled with thrilled parents - our little darlings dancing like adults! - and afterwards awards presented and candy bars handed round. On the way home a grumpy Eitan realises Madeleine wearing his blue blazer and slacks and makes a stink about it until I suggest Madeleine return the suit so I can put him in a tie and take photographs. That shuts him up quickly. Instead the poor boy has an afternoon of chores.

Eitan: "It is so unfair that I always have to do chores."

Me: "If you don't do them, then I do."

Eitan: "What's your point?"

Me: "Look, you can do the backyard. Or I can give you a consequence."

Eitan: "I'll take the consequence."

Me: "Fine. You are now doing the front yard as well."

Me: "Do any other kids in your class do chores?"

Eitan: "No."

Me: "Do any kids on your football team do chores?"

Eitan: "No."

Me: "Are you good at math?"

Eitan:

Me: "Are you one of the best footballers on your team?"

Eitan: "Yeah, so?"

Me: "Two words: Karate Kid."

Eitan: "You are so annoying."

Chelsea Entrainment

Eitan and Joe invited to practice at the Chelsea Training Ground in Surrey (photo from my mobile). The center built by Roman Abramovich for his Blues. Abromavich has already invested >£800 M on the club, so what's another 32 pitches ? It is similar to a five-star hotel only for football. There is the clubhouse and greeting area, spectator stands and towers so Coach can observe or film from above. Timing systems analyse ball speed and sensors pinpoint strikes. The grass like butter. The professional squad has a designated area with own security &c. Eitan contemplates the Great Ones presence nearby.

Eitan and Joe a bit intimidated by it all - here, they wait for the coach and watch the under-12s goof about - so much bigger. So comfortable with each other. Joe's dad notes : "You would think they are going in front of the firing squad."

Once the boys put into squads they settle, with relief, into their warm-ups and drills.

Top Brass

Madeleine performs at the Friday assembly : "When The Saints Come Marching In" and "Curtain Up." Since all trumpateers get their moment we hear the same over and over and .. Our little dear takes control of her instrument and does an admirable job of conveying emotion or, at the least, an explosive sound. She sits next to Albin and Alex and they seem to have a good time.

Eitan: "Your questions are so boring."

Me: "Am I boring or weird ? Usually those things don't go together."

Eitan: "It depends on, like, what time of day."

Me: "I think they balance each other so I am normal. Maybe it is you that is weird."

Eitan: "I am like the most normal one around here."

Me: "Marcus do you think I am weird?"

Madeleine, whispering: "Say 'yes.' "

Marcus: "Yes."

Me: "Well, does your dad embarrass you, too?"

Marcus: "No, not really."

Me: "How about your mom?"

Marcus: "Yeah, she always says stuff that kind of embarrasses me."

Me: "The mother's always do. Does she tell her friends that you have pink pants?"

Eitan, Madeleine: "Dad!"

Me: "Do you have pink pants?"

Marcus: "No, I don't think so."

Madeleine: "You are so weird, Dad."

News Of The World - Gone

Rupert Murdoch during his News of the World takeover bid in the 1960s (Photo by Ted Blackbrow/Daily Mail)

"It is absolutely disgusting what has taken place."

--Prime Minister David Cameron

"Our reputation is more important than the last hundred million dollars."

--Rupert Murdoch

Praise

The Deputy Head Teacher sends us a letter :

"I wanted to write to tell you how thrilled we are with Madeleine's amazing progress in literacy. She showed me a piece of work and I was totally engaged by the level of detail and description. Madeleine should feel very proud of her fantastic achievements. Keep up the good work! Well Done, Miss T"

Sonnet Reclines. On Death

At the airport.

Eitan: "Can you die from laughing?"

Me: "Good way to go."

Eitan: "What if you drowned in chocolate?"

Madeleine: "That's still drowning, Eitan. But you could eat all the chocolate first."

Me: "Then you might explode. That would be a horrible way to die."

Madeleine: "Oh, Dad, you always look at the bad side of everything."

Le Freak, C'est Chic

Chic's '78 single, "Le Freak," marked many's entré into adolescent awkwardness. Mine, anyway. My first glimpse of the album, pictured, was at Longs Pharmacy on Shattuck Avenue in Berkeley, sometime around 6th grade and before Super Tramp's "Breakfast In America" and Diana Ross's "Hot Stuff." Also that year BTW : Pamela Sue Martin's Playboy exposé "Nancy Drew Grows Up" (Martin, recall, played "Nancy Drew" on the "The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries" Sunday evenings). I, Dear Reader, overcame all fears and hustled a copy between the greeting cards to flick the pages. Afterwards, it was a Marathon Bar or Dorito's and swim practice. Or maybe Lawrence Hall of Science to play the earliest computer games. These thoughts flash threw my mind whenever I see restaurant T.G.I. Friday's.

So anyways , "Le Freak" commemorates Studio 54's notoriously long waiting lines, exclusive clientele, and discourteous doormen. The lyrics were originally "Fuck off!" rather than "Freak out!" It was the first song to score the #1 position on the Billboard Hot 100 three separate times.

Mountains

Eitan climbs on rocks in an alpine stream.

Me: "Get out of the river. And I mean now."

Eitan: "Just let me go to to the other side."

Me:"Now. There are consequences coming."

Madeleine: "Can I go?"

Me: "No."

Madeleine: "See! You always let Eitan do everything."

Madeleine: "Dad, do you remember that time Eitan ate my Toblerone and you said he had to get me something?"

Me: "Yes?"

Madeleine: "Well he says he's never going to get me something."

Eitan: "What I said was that I wasn't going to get you something at the airport."

Madeleine: "See, dad, he's never going to get me something."

Eitan: "Yes I am."

Madeleine: "Are not."

Eitan: "Am."

Madeleine: "Not!"

Me: "Before I tell you to knock it off can somebody tell me what you are fighting about?"

Madeleine: "Sheesh, Dad, you don't have to yell."

Eitan, under breath: "He always yells"

Me: "Watch it you are on thin ice."

Madeleine: "Yeah, Dad, and make him buy me something."

Thirty 10

Since Natalie looks, like, 30 I think it Ok to mention her age. In the title. Hope so.

Sonnet and I surrounded by Natalie and Justin's friends who are managers, photographers, investors, athletes, bankers and bon vivants from around the world. 26 children keep us on our toes and while Eitan may be the oldest the real Pied Piper is Justin, who everybody turns to for leadership since, well, he is the former CEO of a major European food services company. His natural abilities get us up and down the mountain sans problem though I do fall over the front wheel of my mountain bike on an off-road blue-trail and glad not to break some bone including my neck. Happily Edwin sees it all go down so my bragging backed up by a credible eye witness though it does limit my story to what actually happened.

Madeleine driving up the windy road to Verbier: "Imagine if these tires had no grip."

Sonnet:

Madeleine: "There's a golf course here."

Me: "Yeah?"

Madeleine: "It's not a very good place for a golf course."

Me: "Why's that?"

Madeleine: "If you hit the ball and it goes too far it will fall all the way down the mountain."

Me: "Good point."

Eitan: "It's not a good place to play basketball either."

Madeleine: "Can I go swimming?"

Me: "Are there any adults at the pool?"

Madeleine: "I don't know."

Me: "Then no."

Madeleine: "See? That's what I mean. You are not a proper dad."

Merci Buckets

Friday Eitan and Madeleine exit school early and we head to Verbier for Natalie's birthday celebration. The kids occupy themselves at the airport accordingly, pictured. Once simply being at the airport enough : the Shakespearse awed by the 747s or anything landing or taking off. And Then there were the conveyor belts. Those were the years when time began to age me.

We arrive in Geneva and Madeleine overhears me speaking French.

Madeleine: "Dad! I didn't know you could speak Swedish!"

Sonnet: "We're in Switzerland, not Sweden."

Madeleine: "Oh, right."

Me: "Can either of you speak any French?"

Madeleine: "No."

Eitan: "Je veux une pomme."

Me: "Don't you guys take french lessons in school?"

Madeleine: "Yeah, so?"

Eitan: "Bonjour monsieur. Ou est the toilette?"

Sonnet: "Les toilettes."

Eitan: "Mer-cee."

Madeleine: "Even Eitan can speak French."

Eitan: "Oui. Merc-cee."

Me: