Le Trumpet

Madeleine warms up, pictured. All six notes are the same to me but God bless her - she drags her suitcase to school and back and no complaining. Monty bolts.

Eitan's tutor is so pleased with Eitan's story about a kid who eats some mints and becomes invisible that she posts it on her wall for her other students to read.

Eitan and Madeleine practice Michael Jackson's "Thriller" moves before - and during - dinner.

Me at the dinner table: "So what do we know about sex?"

Eitan: "Aw, Dad - not this again."

Me: "Well, is it between two or three people?"

Madeleine: "Two people. Obviously, Dad."

Me: "Can a person and an animal have sex?"

Eitan: "Well, I suppose if they want to..."

Madeleine: "That shadow over there is really cool."

Eitan: "Imagine a person and a monkey?!"

Madeleine: "Once there was a bird who sat on an elephant's egg and the baby elephant could fly!"

Eitan: "Madeleine you're crazy."

Me: "Do you think sex feels good?"

Madeleine: "No way."

Me: "Well maybe not the first time but how about the second?"

Madeleine: "No."

Me: "Third?"

Madeleine: "No."

Me: "Fourth?"

Madeleine: "No."

Me: "Fifth?"

Eitan: "Five times?! Why would anybody want to have sex five times!?"

Me: "Do two people have to be in love?"

Madeleine: "I have had enough of this conversation now."

Eitan: "You are so not British, Dad."

Me: "Well, that's nice to know. What makes you British?"

Eitan: "Well, it is the way you talk. And you never understand anything."

Sonnet: "And you have to like waiting in queues."

Me: "Plus I would need rotten teeth. And bad breathe."

Eitan: "See?"

Sonnet: "It is the goal of February to eliminate "Oi" and "Whatever" from your vocabulary."

Eitan: "Oi, whatever Mom."

Sonnet: "Not funny."