Eitan 7

Somehow we have a seven year old in our house, and to prove it we host a birthday party for 20. The theme is football - of course! - and the entertainer takes the kids through various games before the thing is turned over to twixes, chocolate cake, mini-sandwiches, sugary drinks and potato chips. The token carrot or vegetable forgotten - why bother? Drugged up on sugar the kids go bezerk and I take them into the joining sports field to run them around some more: "Dog pile on Samuel!" I shout as 20 kids go for it leaving the kid in tears. They chase me like the pied piper but with murder in their eyes - scary, really. At the end Eitan is flooded with emotion and tears as he realises his party is over. "Cheer up" I say. "Halloween is next month." Pictured clockwise from Eitan are Oscar, Tobais, Samuel, Harriet, Hannah and Imogen.

Madeleine: "Dad who is the second cutest girl in the world - after me?"

Eitan to Natasha, who is scolding him for walking away: "Blah! blah! blah!" (This gets him into plenty of trouble with Natasha and us)

Eitan gets a remote control tarantula as a birthday present: "This is what I've always wanted!"

Ashling, Joe-Y-H's mom, informs me that Eitan has been telling everybody at school that she is giving Eitan a Playstation for his birthday. Apparently, she tells me, Joe informed Eitan that Ashling would buy him one because "you and Sonnet won't."