Grand Mosque

Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque

The Grand Mosque can take 40,000 worshippers, making it one of the world's largest. It features 82 domes, over a 1,000 columns, 24 carat gold gilded chandeliers and the world's largest hand knotted carpet. The main prayer hall is dominated by one of the world’s largest chandeliers –10 metres in diameter, 15 metres in height and weighing twelve tonnes. The mosque's first ceremony was the funeral of its namesake, Sheikh Zayed, who is buried at the site. It dominates the skyline, day and night.

There is not one human figure or animal to be seen on the walls nor engraved in the architecture, making it strangely uninteresting to me. The wailing call to prayer both haunting and beautiful.

Abu Dhabi

Emirates Palace, now a 7 star hotel

I am in Abu Dhabi for an investors conference. First time here and an easy observation : hot as hell. And the infrastructure is totally new - the highways and bridges are pristine (no concrete rot so evident on the London flyovers), the hotels and buildings gleam in the sunshine. The men glide through the hallways in white ankle-length thawbs undifferentiated as individuals yet contrasting totally with those around them in modern or western wear. Like ghosts.

Eitan and Madeleine run a 2K road race to qualify for the borough championships only I forget to give them their race day bar code so the effort for not. Stabbing sensation in .. heart . .. Eitan wins his age group, fourth overall; Madeleine in the top 30. Both would have qualified for Team Richmond.

In And Out

Man smokes a fag, Orly Airport

I am home for one night than tomorrow it's the United Arab Emirates and 100 degree temperatures. This raises a question : what to wear? Apparently the Arabs are business formal but not to worry since the buildings and shopping malls kept at near freezing.

I am looking forward to visiting Abu Dhabi and Dubai and checking out the Burj Khalifa but this hardly compensates for missing tomorrow's 2k road race where Eitan and Madeleine aim to qualify for the borough cross country championships.

This evening the kids are at their club swimming championships where Madeleine competes the 200m breast, 100 freestyle and 200 IM. For Eitan, the 200 fly, 200 IM and 100 free. Sonnet and I take the dog for a long walk and now watch junk television, her choice.

L'Equipe

Jean-Hubert

My week with Astorg continues and today we complete a lengthy strategic overview, in French, followed by a 20 km bike ride along beautiful groomed trails overlooking the sea and distant shoreline. There is good camaraderie yet concern about the lack of deal making in France.

Tomorrow I return to London followed by Sunday to the UAE.

The partners each make a brief remark on what they would wish to accomplish during the offsite. Me: "Je suis ici pour apprendre le français."

French Riviera

Ile de Porquerolles

The French Riviera is the Mediterranean coastline of the southeast corner of France.  It was one of the first modern resort areas which began as a health resort for the British upper class at the end of the 18th century. The water is a pleasant 27 degrees this time of year.

L'Amour

Paris, 8e

Astorg has an LP meeting which puts about $30bn of investment power in one room together. The discussion covers the portfolio, investment pace, team changes - usual stuff. Now we are at Le Mas Du Langoustier on the Ile de Porquerolles in the Cote d'Azur for a bit of team bonding. I am honoured to be included.

The Mall

 Groovy gal

Madeleine and I hit Westfield London which opened in '08 and offers 150,000m² of retail space or the equivalent of about 30 football pitches - the thing is God damn big.  I ask myself : how many styles of trainer can one look at ?

In my day, the closest mall was Hilltop in Richmond, California, which opened in 1976 and built on land previously occupied by the Chevron Oil Corporation tank farm.  There was parking for miles. Christmas lights went up in October and, in 7th grade, I shopped for a gold medallion to go with my feathered hair.  Now, when I consider Hilltop, I think of Dawn Of The Dead where a group of refugees hole up in a shopping complex to escape zombies.

England, as Napoleon famously said, is a nation of shopkeepers. Until Westfield, London's only mall was Queensway which turned-over clothing boutiques catering to mustachioed men and frizzy haired women. No Prada, no Gucci, no Banana Republic but there is a M&S.

Thirteen Candles

For his birthday, Eitan requests a family dinner and 'movie night' (he chooses "40 Year Old Virgin" so, yes, a few perfectly normal awkward moments); we celebrate a day early as I am in Paris, today, his birthday, where I write.

Our Friend, The Frog

Madeleine calls me out, 11PM, for a frog spotting. It turns out we have two frogs, plus a newt, in the backyard pond. This excites me for the springtime: frog spawn.

Alberto (FD, Diageo) and Lucricia over for dinner with their fab three children who are entertained by Eitan and Madeleine, which means hyde-and-seek notable as Eitan and Madeleine hide in the closet beneath the stairs and the door does not open from the inside. They panic so I let them sit for a bit (Eitan reports that Madeleine swears, something I have not heard in maybe five years).

Me: "At netball, out of 40 girls, do you know how many have short hair?"
Madeleine: "One?"
Me: "Pretty cool."
Madeleine: "If you say so Dad."
Me: "Will you ever let it grow out again?"
Madeleine: "Eitan puts, like, gel in his hair to mess it up or comb it over. All I have to do is run my hand through it once."
Me:
Madeleine: "It's easy."
Me: "You bet."

Eitan At 13

Pre cup match

Tomorrow it is official: we will have a teenager in our home.  I recall, some years ago, the kids wide-eyed whenever near teenagers (often spying on them from the window). I would say, most seriously, "whatever happens, don't become a teenager".

And here we are.  Sonnet and I and all of us could not be more proud - more proud - of this quiet, serious boy who is on the cusp of becoming a young man.  His commitment to school, sport and friends is a pleasure to observe.  He is polite and caring, wears his heart on his sleeve, and supports Manchester United despite losing three of four Premiere League games this season so far.

When Eitan born, following a long labour, I watched his first look at the New World (before even a breath).  His eyes searched from one side to the other seeing who knows what ? He was taking it all in before making a decision. This has not changed in 13 years.

Clapham

Battersea Rise

My photo taken less than 100 meters from Clapham Junction rail station, the busiest in Europe, in one of the densest neighborhoods of London.

Netball Action

Defense

Emanuel School takes on Ipstock Place in an exciting back-and-forth thriller that is won by the visitors. Netball new to me and a mix between basketball and ultimate Frisbee - no dribbling.  The girls race across court screaming 'ball!', trying to get inside the opponent's goal box for a shot on basket.

Netball began in England in the 1890s and today there are 60 countries competing in the International Netball Federation. In the UK, girls play from secondary school. It is way competitive.

Our gal plays on the 'A' team.

SKOB

Schacter, Kristoff, Orenstein & Berkowitz or "SKOB" (Kristoff and Orenstein reversed)

I help Madeleine practice her spelling words.
Me: "If you get the next one wrong I am calling your Grandfather."
Madeleine: "You're calling Moe?"
Me: "Spell 'lawyer.' "
Madeleine:
Me: "Moe is a lawyer."
Madeleine: "L.. O. ."
Me: "I'm calling your Grandfather."
Madeleine: "This is why I hate doing homework with you."

Tree Surgeon

Kingston Train Station

Jaime, the arborist who took care of the backyard scots pine, returns to trim the front tree, a holm oak. Jaime's dreamy, too - in shape, deep eyes and rugged unshaven face. Of course he rides a motorcycle. Even our neighbor, Helen, agrees, and she is proper Brit : Reserved.

So Jaime reduces the overhang by 30% yet leaves the job unfinished as he finds a nest with three baby birds that he does not wish to disturb.  I tell Madeleine and she falls in love instantly.

Me: "They really trimmed back the tree."
Madeleine: "Yep."
Me: "So how would you rank a plant?"
Madeline: "Like what do you mean?"
Me: "All creatures great and small.  Would you pick a flowering plant or a mosquito?"
Madeleine: "A flowering plant."
Me: "Thought so."

The Dog Shot

Rusty at the office

Sonnet notes that "getting Rusty made Madeleine happy" but truth is the dog is part of the family and gives us joy and consternation in equal doses.

Today I walk Rusty on the Thames Path - gorgeous Indian Summer - talking business on my mobile, reminding myself not to scream at the dog who gallops into the river after a raft of ducks. Worse, he can't climb up the riverbank as the tide out and the brick edge steep. He follows me for half a mile until he finds some stairs and I am relieved of having to retrieve him from the muddy riverbed.

Self Portrait XXX

Madeleine and I do some shopping in Kingston, since its Monday, visiting Topman and Uniqlo and River Island and Monsoon and and and. .. She's interested in trainers as, is, yours, truly but JD Sport and three other trainer shops leave us flat footed.  Trainers are a big deal for anybody but especially an 11 year old (or 46).  We catch the train home as the sunsets and Madeleine puts her head on my shoulder.

Aggie & Madeleine

At the Opera House

Sunday evening which means family dinner followed by the NFL (me), football (Eitan), bed (Madeleine) and swim-team data entry (Sonnet).  Rusty looks balefully at the remains of a leg of lamb and we have to laugh at his transparency: all the dog wants in this world is a mostly eaten bone.

Lions v Eagles

Halftime breaks

Eitan's Sheen Lions play the Bedfont Eagles FC notable for the pitch's proximity to Terminal 4 and, damn, those planes come in, too. Wham. Wham. Wham. I find it amazing that houses are built so close to the busiest airport in Europe.

The boys lose, 2-0, to a team that is bigger and more physical - the Bedfont goalee looks about 17  and snatches anything that comes within ten feet of the goal box. Eitan gets used to playing mid-field and has a few disruptive plays and a couple of shots on goal that fizzle out. The team still coming together.

Football is followed by more football and I put my feet up to watch the Manchester Darby: ManU v Man City. Eitan records the action since his weekend homework now overdue.

A Small Spec

Moon over Richmond Park

Walking to the train station this morning.
Me: "They really built that house fast. People can do anything when they set their minds to it."
Madeleine: "No they can't."
Me: "Oh?"
Madeleine: "People can't land a plane on the sun. Or eat a mountain."
Me: "Good points. But we can talk on a mobile phone and walk on the moon. That's pretty amazing."
Madeleine: "Yeah, I guess" [Madeleine texts while walking]

Me: "Hey, Madeleine, come and check out the full moon. It's beautiful."
Madeleine goes to the front door: "Where is it?"
Me: "Are you really asking me to help you find the moon?"
Madeleine: "I'm just saying I can't see it."
Me: "If you can't find the moon then there really is no hope for this family."
Madeleine: "Gee, thanks, Dad."

Post School - Pre Swim Practice

Eitan's mileau

I no longer pester the boy about keeping his room tidy or his homework organised. One must choose one's battles.

I take one for myself, following a full day in Paris, which entails sleeping in, jogging, going for a stroll in Tuilerise, checking out the Jeu de Paum and catching the 11:13AM Eurostar to London. I am home at a most reasonable hour.

A New Normal

Danske Bank's 'A New Normal' ad campaign

Eivund Kolding, CEO of Danske Bank, Denmark's largest lender, was dismissed with the admission from the bank that it needed a boss "with stronger qualifications within banking." Oi vey.

Danske's 2012 advertising campaign included an Occupy Wall Street protester with a dollar bill taped to his mouth, a female MP holding her child in parliament and some kissing lesbians, pictured. Kolding was forced to apologies after heavy criticism in Denmark.  Prior, he worked at a shipping company.

This reminds me of the time I stuffed my face with candy at the co-op and my mother forced me to return to the cashiers to pay and say 'sorry.' Humiliating stuff.

Sonnet in Oregon and Minneapolis St Paul to secure museum interest for the Italian show post V & A. In Minneapolis she visits Mike and Gretchen where she completes her book, submitted electronically, before catching the return flight to London.

"We all agree - both the board and the management - that the marketing campaign was not as successful as we would have expected it to be, to put it mildly."
--Ole Anderson, Chairman of Danske Bank

Peace

Moe in '64

And here is my father, before career and kids and life took over. And what a rich life it has been and yet will be. Photo taken in Malawi where he and my mother spent several years in Peace Corps #1.

I drive Eitan and Joe to football and Def Punk's "Get Lucky" on the radio.
Me: "So what's this song about anyway."
Eitan, Joe:
Me: "What do you think? It's probably about gambling. Getting lucky at the slots."
Eitan: "Dad it's about sex."
Me: "I think it's a song about Las Vegas."
Eitan, Joe:
Me: "Playing the slot machines in Las Vegas."
Eitan under his breathe: "Whatever, dad."

Here are the top ten Billboard songs from 1964:
1. I Want To Hold Your Hand, The Beatles
2. She Loves You, The Beatles
3. Hello Dolly, Louis Armstrong
4. Oh, Pretty Woman, Roby Orbison
5. I Get Around, The Beach Boys
6. Everybody Loves Somebody, Dean Martin
7. My Guy, Mary Wells
8. We'll Sing In The Sunshine, Gale Garnett
9. Last Kiss, J. Frank Wilson & The Cavaliers
10. Where Did Our Love Go, The Supremes

Man's Best Friend

Pink tongue.

And it's Friday.  Madeleine at a school all-nighter to bond with her fellow year-7 s.  And bond they will since they are in sleeping bags and tents and it pours rain as I write.  Eitan and I take advantage of our evening watching television and chilling out on the coach. Woof.

Me: "Whenever I watch these commercials I think: 'this is the dumbest country in the world.'" [Dad's note: we watch a commercial where a baby plays keepie-uppies with a football]

Eitan: "We're not the dumbest, but we are pretty dumb."

Me: "The UK has like some of the smartest people ever. Crick and Watson, for instance. Newton and Darwin. "

Eitan: "Yeah."

Me: "But if the British are like anything on TV they are definitely behind other countries like France. Maybe the rest of Europe." 

Eitan: "We have good schools."

Me: "So there's hope."

Eitan: "Could be."

Cool Cats

Green Park tube

31% of London's population is 24 years old or under.  Where are these people, I wonder?  Mostly working entry jobs, reading books and hanging out in Starbucks. Sometimes I see them at the Southbank Center or Shoreditch or smoking fags outside Imperial College maybe between class. The Apple store on Regents St a good place to spot them. London's young are mostly not found in East Sheen or Mayfair, where I spend my time, so I always perk up when I see a young dude on the underground, pictured, and wonder : where to ?

School Run

Interstellar porch

Madeleine and I walk, 7:05AM sharp. It remains light but the the late morning darkness encroaching. Soon we will be used to street lamps at this hour.

My day sees a bunch of meetings about a bunch of deals that I am working on and  hope will conclude and all the better if by year-end.  Inshallah.

The Voyager 1 space probe leaves our solar system after 40 years and 12 billion miles.  Despite the wars and terrorism and the general human cruelty and failure to communicate we, the human species, can do something together that is magical.

Me: "How was school?"
Madeleine: "We had to write an auto biographay. So I wrote about bugs."
Me: "Makes sense."
Madeleine: "Do you remember my pet slug named 'Jerry'?"
Me: "Um, no."
Madeleine: "Eitan cut him in half and threw him over the fence. So I wrote about that and bugs."
Me: "Sounds like a pretty good autobiography."
Madeleine: "Yeah, I guess. I wasn't sure what to write about."
Me: "You could have fooled me."

Mid Week

I return from Paris greeted by Rusty. Sonnet working like mad to meet her book deadline of July. The kids both at swimming practice. England plays Ukraine in a World Cup Qualifier.

New Stripes

Palewell Park

And autumn, along with work, comes football.  Today Eitan's new team, the Sheen Lions, play Worcester Park to a 1-1 draw after going up 1-nil.  The equaliser a flook goal that graces the upper corner of the goal box, unreachable by Max, the goal keeper. That's the way the ball bounces.  Marc stops by to see Eitan and Jack in action.

Me: "I remember being your age and not wanting to listen to my father."
Eitan:
Me: "Now I actually feel like I have something to tell you."
Eitan:
Me: "But I get it."

Java

Man in coffee bar

Madeleine picks blackberries from the neighbour's bush, enough to make crumble, served with single cream, for all of us.  Recipe from Martha Stewart (Sonnet: "I am embarrassed to admit it.").

Neighbour Martin grew up in the house - his mother, Kitty Godfree, won Wimbledon a number of times and there is a plaque at the front recognising Kitty's achievements.  I enjoy Martin who knows a bit about everything and has a garage filled with every possible tool imaginable. I borrow them whenever I can.  Martin an electrical engineer who is working on a number of tunnels near Brighton.  He shares my view that the world is going to hell in a handbasket.

I'm ripping all my DVDs to our family network drive.  Right now, it's Airport '77.

It's All Upward

Waterloo Station

Eitan back in football action as Hampton School defeats Sutten Grammar School 5-1.  He plays left-centre back.

We host the boy's new club team, the Sheen Lions, for a post-practise Friday evening beer and pasta party which allows us to put some names to the parent faces, instantly forgotten, and a season ahead. Blessedly, the home pitch is Palewell Park, a seven minute walk.

Me: "So what do you want to do for your 13th birthday party?"
Sonnet: "I'm going to get tickets for Fulham." [Dad's note: Fulham is in the Premiere football league and not far from Sheen]
Eitan: "Dad, see, you never pay attention."
Me: "I always pay attention to you."
Eitan: "You pay attention half the time and remember 25% of the rest."
Me: "So how much is that?"
Eitan: "Huh?"
Me: "How much do I retain?"
Eitan: "Twenty-five percent."
Me: "Bad math. It's 12.5%."
Eitan:
Me: "Let's at least be clear on the insult."

London Sunset

Facing eastward from the Shell Mex House on the Strand

Indian summer is here and we join Puk and Lars, who celebrate his second book, 'Investing Demystified'.

Me: "How was your first day at school?"
Eitan: "It was OK."
Me: "You're no longer the youngest guy there. That must be pretty cool."
Eitan: "Yeah, I guess."
Me: "Do you boss all those year 7 s around, letting them know who's boss?"
Eitan:  "Not really. It's not like America or something."

School Cut

Madeleine at the stylist

And with a 6:30AM scramble, the kids are up and off to school. 7th and 8th grades, wow, how did that happen ?  Soon it will be college.

I walk our gal to the train station, her preferred journey to school, which allows us time to contemplate the morning sunrise and the general state of affairs - she is no longer the youngest nor the newest student, which offers some welcome playground seniority.

La Seine

Pont des Arts

The river at sunrise, home for dinner at sunset.

In all, there are 37 bridges within Paris and I cross three on my usual morning run:  Pont des Arts, Pont de l'Archevêché and Pont Neuf, the oldest in Paris, inaugurated in 1607.

Ben And Eitan

Hoxton

This year Ben will sit his GCSEs, an exam that determines where one goes to university, more or less. The exams (along with the A-levels) are, for American ex pat parents, well, foreign. And intimidating.

Preparation for the GCSEs begins in year nine (age 14) when students choose their subject preferences from a compulsory 'core'+several electives - in all, maybe 11 tests over several weeks.  There is strategy: students who excel in maths, for instance, may take the maths exam in year ten then the rest in year 11.

University placements are extended based on GCSE results, an offer conditional on the 'A-levels', a further, final, exam taken at the end of secondary school (the two year preparation period called 'sixth form'). School grades, sport and extra curricular activities have no influence on the application.

Despite life's pressures, the kids find a park, with a swing, and have a ball.

Hoxton Wall Graffiti

Pre Snip

At Valentina

Madeleine and I meet on the High Street for lunch. Afterwards, it's the hairdresser so she can try on a new style just in time for school, which kicks off tomorrow.  I am honored that she wants me beside her as the 'stylist' clips away, snip, snip, snip.

And soon - just like that - it's back to work. Next week looming large. Where did the time go ?

Cologne Cathedral

And today I am in Germany.

The Cologne Cathedral is Germany's most visited landmark attracting 20,000 people a day, according to the Federal Statistical Office of Germany.  The towers are approximately 515 ft or the height of The Stealth at Thorpe Park.  A lot is going on here.

Aus einem Stein ist schwer Öl pressen.

--German proverb meaning 'you can't get beer out of a stone.'

Game Night

Man U v Chelsea

No room for small talk.

Me: "Are you proud to be British?"
Eitan: "Yeah, of course."
Me: "How come?"
Eitan: "Well, it's a small country yet it contributes a lot to the world. It punches above its weight."
Me: "So does that suggest that you have contributed to the world?"
Eitan, after some thought: "No. Not really."

Self Portrait XXIX

The bank holiday comes to a close which is a good thing since all I do is nag the kids and house chores.  Sonnet at the museum all weekend to finish the introduction of her book, 'The Glamour of Italian Fashion.'

Madeleine records a season of 'Modern Family' and I am sucked in. The current show has the kids doing an egg drop project for school and Claire slips on the egg yolk and falls on her ass then starts screaming at her kid. Across the generation gap, Eitan, Madeleine and I howl with laughter.

Madeleine: "People think animals are lesser than humans."
Me: "Well, they are, aren't they?"
Madeleine: "No they are not. Horseshoe crabs can save people's lives."
Me: "Oh?"
Madeleine: "They have a certain medicine or something in them."
Me:
Madeleine: "I learned that in my geography class."

We sit in the living room watching TV.
Eitan: "In half an hour I am going to ask everybody to get out of here." [Dad's note: Manchester United vs. Chelsea]
Madeleine: "What?!"
Me: "I get it. 30 minutes. Don't argue this one, kid."

On Dating

Soon to be 13

Over dinner we discuss the difference between dating in the US and Britain. In the US, a 'date' remains as carefree as it was back when : boy+girl+dinner=no commitment. In the UK, Nathan tells us and Eitan corroborates, a 'date' far more serious and implies coupledom. To get around this, kids go out in packs, evenly split between the sexes, and can be found on the High Street or in Pizza Express.

Me: "So I understand Eitan is on a 'date.' "
Madeleine: "Yeah, so?"
Me: "How does that make you feel?"
Madeleine: "I don't know, nothing really."
Me: "I remember it was kind of weird, when Katie or I had dates. It was like things were changing."
Madeleine: "I guess so."
Me: "Does it seem that way to you now?"
Madeleine: "No, not really."
Me: "It's coming."
Madeleine: "If you say so, Dad."

Me: "What do teenagers do when they go out in packs?"
Madeleine: "They sing. They make fools of themselves. They buy lots of things."
Me: "They sing?"
Madeleine: "Uh-huh."
Me:
Madeleine: "I know from personal experience."

Bank Holiday

Rusty knows what's up this weekend.

The Thames

Southbank, Friday night.  

Sonnet joins us from work. We see some hip hop at Queen Elizabeth Hall.

Madeleine: "What would happen if you put a match in some beer?"
Me: "A match in some beer?"
Madeleine: "Yeah. What would happen ?"
Me: "It would go out?"
Madeleine: "I thought so."
Me:
Madeleine: "It's not like some alcohol, or something, that would explode, is it?"
Me: "I think we're safe."

Eitan: "Do you think London is a cool city?"
Me: "You bet, especially East Sheen."
Eitan: "What do you think are the coolest cities?"
Me: "I don't know. LA, Berlin. .. "
Eitan: "Paris."
Me: "Definitely." 
Eitan: "And New York."
Me: "You've only been to like five cities."
Eitan:
Me: "La Veta. . Berkeley .. . Santa Fe."
Eitan: "Yeah."
Me: "Bear Valley. Now we are talking cool."
Eitan: "You're joking, aren't you Dad?"

Dog Days

Sonnet lets loose

Eitan spends the lazy summer days doing, well, close to nothing. A bit of tennis here, a dog walk there. Last night he makes apple banana bread.  Otherwise, he sleeps until 11:30AM and lazes about the house looking patiently into the refrigerator hoping he will find something missed ten minutes before .. . I have to remember this time myself, lying about, reading comics. Bored.

And we try to give him his space.  It is not easy when I would otherwise wish him doing maths review. We've had some battles about this stuff and I have to be comfortable with his ability to deliver the goods on his own.

East End

Sonnet at Dishoom

We head to Shoreditch to meet Suzanne and Daniel, new friends via Diana.

Daniel went to Caltech and Stanford's Computer Systems Lab for post doc work and I can see why : soft natured and cerebral, funky coloured glasses and long stringy hair perfect for his runner's frame which sees four or five marathons a year (he, in his 50s).  Daniel also a software writer and applied mathematician who works his trade at Sony Pictures FX - he created the code behind the wonderful scene in "Batman, The Dark Knight Rises" where the football field collapses into a sinkhole. And, in GI Joe, the Eiffel Tower's destruction ("That one was pretty cool", he giggles).  I ask: who owns his work ? and he thinks for a minute : "I guess I do. Know anybody who wants it?" I am stumped, dear reader.

Ferris Beuller & Prop Values

Age 14 (note Sperry canvas Top Siders)

London in a self-inflicted property bubble as house prices for the three months ending July improved 2.1% with prime London postcodes >10% (Knight Frank). I recognise a frenzy when the café guy informs me that his weekend spent cleaning house to sell his Putney flat for £300 grande profit. I mean, Putney ?

Thanks to the UK's 'Help To Buy' scheme introduced in 2012 and aimed at first-rung home ownership, a 5% deposit secures an additional 20% equity loan to be used towards the bank mortgage (ie, 25% down). The loan is interest free for the first five years.

Given British property values, unlike the US, did not collapse post the 2000-07 housing bubble, Britain remains over-priced by most measures like mortgage-to-income or mortgage-to-rent. Our elected leaders learn nothing.

Mouthwash And A Dead Fish

Eitan has not had a shower or bath since returning from the US.

Madeleine: "How do you use mouthwash ?"
Me: "How do I use mouthwash?"
Madeleine: "Yeah, use it. What do you do."
Me: "I gargle it. For thirty seconds."
Madeleine: "See, Eitan, thirty seconds."
Eitan: "I don't gargle for thirty seconds because I do it after I brush my teeth."
Madeleine: "It's not how you are supposed to do it."
Me: "Are you guys having fun?"
Eitan: "Yeah, I guess so."
Me: "Well you are driving me and your mother crazy."

Madeleine: "Eitan your fish is dead!"
Eitan: "Oh, darn it."
Me: "Is it floating?"
Madeleine: "No, he sunk to the ground."
Sonnet: "Well get a little scooper and take him downstairs then."
Eitan: "Mom it's dead."
Me: "Just flush it down the toilet. And go to bed."
Madeleine: "Nice one, dad."

Fracking

CO somewhere near NM

Fracking : The US unique - if you own the land, it's yours to the core. In the UK, by contrast, the Crown retains all sub-surface mineral rights, which means companies only need buy enough land to get drilling while landowners see none of the benefit from oil or gas underneath, even if horizontally drilled beneath their property. Pretty fucked up given British shale gas deposits may equal 1,300 trillion cubic feet (10% of which enough to supply our needs for 40 years .. .)

Well economics, US: one well (aprox 1 hectare of space) costs $6M to dig and frack, give or take, producing $40M of economic benefit (give or take) of which 20% goes to the landowner as 'royalty.' This is a cool a couple hundred grand to the landowner a year and easily more.

Madeleine: "What do people do on their honeymoon anyway?"
Me: "Make l'amour."
Madeleine: "Really?"
Me: "What do you think they do?"
Madeleine: "Have a nice vacation."